My Dad Has Never Been My Hero — And That’s More Than OK

Who exactly is a hero to someone? Are they the ones who do the unimaginable for you? Or are they the ones who make life easier by ensuring you don’t have to face difficulties at all?  

For most of us, in those early years of growing up—when we were completely dependent on our parents—it was they who meant everything to us. They were our world, and everything else felt like an extension of that world. Naturally, in those moments, they were our heroes. But as our world slowly expanded beyond them, the way we, as children, responded to new experiences—and the way our parents chose to present themselves—played a huge role in shaping our early understanding of life.  

Looking back, I’ve realized one thing about my father: he never tried to be a hero for me. He never projected himself as infallible or all-knowing. He was simply… himself.  

But does it make a difference if parents don’t try to appear invincible or shoulder every worry for their children?  

Maybe, for children, it’s actually a good thing—unless they’re exposed too early to the harsh realities of life before they’re emotionally equipped to handle them. For parents, though, it can feel tricky. By not presenting themselves as flawless, they risk not being looked up to in the same way they might have been otherwise. It’s a fine line—balancing influence without overextending it into control.  

Eventually, no matter how parents choose to present themselves, children do come to realize that their parents are not invincible after all. Under normal circumstances, this realization happens gradually—subtly enough that it feels natural and acceptable to both sides. It usually coincides with children taking on more challenges themselves, while parents slowly step into the background.  

But when a parent deliberately avoids projecting themselves as a “hero,” they do run the risk of not being looked up to at all. It’s not an obvious style of parenting—unless your personality is so remarkable that even in your humility, you continue to inspire awe.  

And that’s the real paradox. It’s hard to always be a hero for your children, to let them grow under your constant shadow. But it may be even harder not to be one—while still ensuring they’re strong enough to face the world beyond your shadow